my journal from the 2012 National Bible Bee

11.13.2012
All my hope is in You, Lord!
Tonight I was feeling very defeated.  I truly want to be away from these trials/rise up with wings like eagles and strong and courageous and knowing God move truly and getting victory.  I've given in to temptations to think thoughts I know are evil.  Forgive me, Lord.  I do not pretend that I am mastering living by grace.  I know my failure is so huge that it not only encompasses many failures but also the inability to see how exactly I failed or what sin led to the failures or how I might fix things.
Greek words that have encouraged me:
kalen (used so many times in 1+2 Timothy!---This one I call my favorite Greek word right now!  It is flooring to think of this word being in Greek with this simple and beautiful meaning and purpose.
charis-grace, kindness
I AM BEGGING God for his grace and kindness.  I've heard that I am not to come to Him as a beggar but as a child.  But I'll humble myself and first come as a beggar.
Am I really a child of God?
Where is the proof?
God has lavished His love on me!
So thankful for all the people who've worked behind the scenes for the 2012 National Bible Bee, Convergence, and "As in the Days of Noah."
Another Greek word meaning:
makrothumia-when you could get revenge, not going for that; patience, long-suffering (an attribute of the Holy Spirit in Galatians 5:23!)
-from 2 Timothy 3:10 and 2 Timothy 4:2
How can I get victory like Israel did?
How should I march around the walls 7 times?
How must I be foolish to be wise?
Where is the Holy Spirit leading me?
Will He use Nationals to provide the finances to go on His missions?
We left our house in record time!  Dad and I are very excited about that!
Are the obstacles I'm facing merely giants in the land that I am not to be afraid of?
Huge obstacles:
No matter how hard I try, it's never good enough.  I'm sure God delights in my weak love, but it's just that-weak.  All the smart homeschooled people who can recite word-perfectly when I cannot!  I just wish I could stop placing 49th + 60th + 70th.  I didn't even know that Dad drives 45 minutes to work every day.  I know this, but when picking him up from work to head on our way, I realized how long he drives day after day for our family.  I'm so thankful for him and proud of him.  He is amazing!  He really loves God and leads our family to honor and love Him.
I don't want people to praise me.  I want people to have a high opinion of God.  I want to win for legitimate reasons, but are my reasons not great enough?
All my delight is in Him, but I fear I am not abiding in Him well enough.
Set a tract from the red ones from Ignite on the counter for the gas station worker around Wisconsin Dells!  praise Jesus for boldness.  One down.  A lot to go.  That was our first gas station stop.
I'm so sorry for all my sins, and I ask him for the strength to change.  I know that even if someone else has set a bad example for me and scared me into thinking God is still against me even when I humble myself truly before him.  I know this isn't true.  I know God is for me!  God loves me, even when others don't have the time to help with real needs I face.  God loves the humble.  He crowns the humble with salvation.  He doesn't close the door on them and turn them away.  He loves us.  He loves the humble.  I want to be humble.  I want to humbly see people come to the light out of darkness.  I'm ready for you to use me God.  By your strength, I courageously ask you to break me, mold me, cleanse me, and use me for your noble purposes.
I still desire to win, even though it looks impossible, even when it's already Tuesday and so much review is necessary on my part to be fully RESPONSIBLE before the Lord.  I strive to be a champion.  I strive to not give up.  I strive to repent.  I strive to be true.  Through Jesus Christ, my Savior and LORD.  I strive to be a blessing to others.
I can't just give up.  I can't just let myself do poorly or not make it.  Jesus, come renew that closeness we once had that gave me such uprightness and true life and true victory.  But add to that the humility and kindness to others unlike me that I lacked.  I want to have studied hard, so hard I gave every last drop of myself.  I want it to be said that I gave my very best.  i am so lousy.  I need to do my best job!  My absolute ALL!
Enduring.
9:00
Great.  Just realized I left papers at home.
Fill me with faith, hope, and love Jesus!
Destroy how the enemy's trying to destroy me!
Reason I shouldn't win in the natural: I post too much on FB and blog to be a winner.
Stop the pity party.  It is my responsibility to be strong.  I am COMMANDED to be strong, to strengthen my weak legs + feeble knees, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Natural reason: it took me all fall to even finish the summer study.
Grateful: they're (my family) coming on this trip for my sake!  Wow!
So thankful!  Of course, they're all glad to come together on a vacation, but their support + love for me is tremendous.
My "man of self"=ungratefulness NOOO!
let's pursue righteousness!
Remaining plan of action:
perfect all verses
pray
perfect all notecards
last 11 pgs. of Bible study
study 1 Timothy inductively
Perfect current Greek words
trust God's Word
KNOW God
be joyful
AND...ALL cross-references
11.14.2012  Set out 13 gospel tracts in the bathroom and building of the rest (truck) stop in Indiana.  One more left on the telephone booth.
One left under U of T shirt.
So thankful for the massive prayer support that has gone into this.
Tried to sleep last night but didn't (had slept all day on Tuesday thought, but after being up late packing Mon. night).
I've just been doing nothing, feeling like one who is losing, not winning, one who has lost, not won, who lost, who didn't win at all in any so many aspects of life.
Accidentally/unintentionally through Knoxville.  Gospel to homeless man.  Tons of homeless people.
12.12.12
I love you, LORD.
2012 National Bible Bee Journal Ends Here :)

This place is seriously like heaven on earth.  When I'm not with everyone, it feels like it was a dream a bit thinking back on it.

All my delight is in you, Kurios.

'The thing is, it’s what Phelps said: Stay in the pool.

'Michael Phelps said that the way he trained to be one of the greatest athletes of all time — was to stay in the pool longer than anyone else.

'To stay at it when everyone else got out. To stay focused when you’d love to be distracted. To do the next thing when it’s not the easiest thing. To not flip over to Facebook or turn on the TV or check Twitter or pop into email.

'The most successful are the ones most focused and the greats are greatly focused. There is never any fruit without focus."'
I hope and pray this is used in evangelism and discipleship also in the coming days!  The LORD is my strength and my song!  He has become my salvation!

{http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/09/how-to-cultivate-the-habit-of-focus-in-an-age-of-distraction/}

Prayer requests for the 2012 National Bible Bee:

1. Focus and concentration
2. Excellence
3. That I would display Christ to those around me as I prepare and compete
4. Needed rest
5. That I would not waste my time
6. All contestants would come in drenched with all the goodness of God's holy Word, living out God's will, walking like Jesus, bearing MUCH fruit, loving others and each other deeply, and having made THE most out of this opportunity
7. That I finish the Bible study of 2 Timothy and thoroughly am drenched in and study 1 Timothy (the Word dwelling in me richly)
8. For all the contestants to meditate on the Word, especially on the passages specifically being memorized
9. That I would run in such a way as to get the prize (big weakness in me!  I haven't been, which is why in number 19 below I ask that if it's God will for me to win that I would--ha outlandish as that sounds and as undeserving I would be and how much I'm just not the person who could do this!--because I want to be walking and running in such a manner!  I want and need to be running the race well!  I need to be RUNNING IN SUCH A WAY, whether with the National Bible Bee or life in general, AS TO WIN.  I encourage you to live your lives in such a way as to win as well!  But as for me, I cannot settle for running in any way other than running in such a way as to win--1 Cor. 9:24-27.  That doesn't mean I'll win the National Bible Bee by any means.  It only means I'm running in such a way as to win, and that if I am sinning by not allowing God to do this in my life then that is simply not okay!)
10. That I'd be walking in such a manner that my King will say well-done good and faithful servant!!!
11. Please pray for the provision of accountability partners, and for strength to set up study times that can be tested and for willingness in me to have others see if I'm doing what I should be
12. Please pray that during this time I would be able to realize my faults and confess sins
13. "Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God"
14. "Do not cause anyone to stumble"
15. That I'd focus on honoring others this fall and encouraging others and Bible Bee contestants and families
16. As I'm going through enormous feelings of wanting to be at college like everyone else and that Nationals is taking over my life, that God would give me strength to do my best and that through it God would teach me how to do something under all the pressure I've been under with excellence
17. I am NOTORIOUS for being last minute (literally and all-nighter last minute type).  Please pray for diligence from the beginning and perseverance at the end.
18. That knowing the good I am to do, I would do it.  What I know I must do, I am responsible to do before God.  I need to be able to have people ask me if I am (which has to do with what I just mentioned earlier with accountability partners) and to be able to say that I'm not.  Staying in that place of not doing what I should be is not okay.  At all.
19. That if it is the Lord's will for me to not place highly, that his will would be done then.  That I would win if this is the Lord's will, that I would not if that's not God's will, that I would place in whatever manner is pleasing to the Lord, simply that God would be pleased, that I'd be at peace with all others, that ultimately God's will be done.  If it is his will for me to win or whatever place I get, that I would be a willing and joyful participant in his will, not afraid of winning, not afraid of persecution for His name's sake, and full of joy, gladness, and thanksgiving if I do not place 1st, 2nd, or 3rd, or any other placing.  (The reason I mention all this is because of my fear of ever winning-surprising as that may be that I've been so afraid-which is wrong, and because although the prospect of what I just mentioned above is so hilariously impossible I am still willing to consider accepting if God somehow has somewhere in his mind that He'd delight in me doing this...I only believe that in Christ all IS possible...not saying that I am anywhere near this...haha)  Can you tell I really would enjoy making it to semi's and finals this year?!  Let's glorify God in all we do!  There's so much JOY in it!
20. Please pray 1 Timothy chapter 6 over America in general and also all contestants (it's all about money!)
21. Just like #18, applying this to the National Bible Bee, which I DIDN'T want to do and a lot of it SEEMS like unnecessary work, but I'm purposing to do what I don't want to do in order to win.
22. That I'd really be filled with wisdom, knowledge, revelation, and knowledge of God's will as to why someone SHOULD win (again, if this were so in any possible/impossible way, I just want to be so positioned in God's perspective and the fear of the Lord, and this would be an impossible task only possible through the Lord's power and grace, if that is even remotely in His will)
23. That the unsurrendered parts of my heart in regard to the money would be fully surrendured to God.  God, give us repentance!  Oh, how ungodly we are!  How we need to repent of all our sins and live in His light and truth!
24. That God would give me the strength to do this IMPOSSIBLE task (I am totally incapable of doing it without Him), and again, that I would be walking out the will of God and bearing much fruit, long-suffering and joy-filled.
25. That I would not waste my time (again I say this!) in regard to Nationals
26. I have A LOT of problems going on in my life.  Please pray that they'd be figured out and that I'd show myself an approved workman, rightly dividing the word of truth!
27. SO...I do have the desire to even win...but am EXTREMELY far from this.  Please pray Ps. 37: 4-6 over me.
28. That the Lord would direct my focus where he wants it in all areas of my life.
29. I have a lot of verses to memorize.  Please pray the Lord's strength over me, that I might accomplish all that needs to be done for the glory of God.  One person I just spoke to has finished memorizing everything already (if you're reading this and it's you, you know who you are;)).  I have counted less than one-third of all the verses "done" so far.  Pray that I would take the time to memorize and meditate on them all and be able to get this all done, being pleasing to the Lord in every way.
30. Please also pray that as all those involved are memorizing that they would be forming habits useful for their lifetimes and would be well-balanced (i.e. just pleasing to the Lord and at peace with everyone around them) as they go about this giant task.
31. Please also pray that God's strength would be made perfect in my weaknesses!!
Thank-you so much in advance for any way the Lord leads you to take the time to pray over me, over this list, and over any other matters or concerns or insights the Lord brings to your attention in these matters.  You are loved!

Reasons to memorize the Bible

Why memorize the Word?  Why the National Bible Bee?  Some excellent reasons to memorize God's Word:

“To really know it. Books read once have a small impact. The more times you read it the more you know it. Committing to memory allows for the deepest knowledge.
To give it maximum opportunity to impact my life. ‘All Scripture is…profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.’
To be able to meditate upon it. ‘Blessed is the man who…mediates on His law day and night.’
To keep from sinning. ‘How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your Word.’
To help me in times of trouble.
To change me. ‘For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword.’
To interrupt wrong thinking.
To have it when I and if I don’t have a Bible.
To be ready and able to share it with others—children, non-Christians, people who are suffering.
To make me wise.
To be like the tortoise, run the race slow and steady, to win.
To increase my faith, because I become familiar with God’s promises and character.
To boost my spiritual walk with God. Memorizing helps me meditate and do it.
To increase my time with the Word. This way it’s with me all the time.
To cause me to really think about scripture, to slow me down.
To encourage me. ‘why so downcast, O my soul? put your hope in God!’
To fight temptation the way Jesus did.
To rehearse the gospel to myself.
To be obedient. ‘whatever is right…think about such things.’
To know the will of God.
To fuel my prayers, so that I can pray according to will of God.
To exercise my brain.”
- marcia reavely via lauren-reavely.tumblr.com/

Taking Another Step

Sometimes in life I feel like I can't move another inch, and it's a good feeling.  It fell on my heart like rawness a few days before the day when I was due to have finished memorizing the many, many Bible verses for Bible Bee.  In itself, the Scriptures were overwhelmingly refreshing, but a weakness was upon me...and still is.  It was a few days before Bible Bee that this happened, and I cherish it.  It is now that it is happening, and I still cherish it.  It brings me to reality, this thing called weakness, because when I know I am weak and where I am weak, I see that I am ALIVE.  I am struggling.  I am living.  I am breathing.  I am praising God.

When I am so weak inside, waiting on God gives strength.  When I must struggle to be still, I know I MUST be still.  When I must struggle and rack my brain to think deeply on what I KNOW I MUST THINK ON, I find an unexplainable joy that indeed I have the honor of saying that I am living by the blood shed on the cross for me, because this Jesus, this precious Jesus, has died for a weakling like me, a person who must consciously recognize stumbling points and times when the most important thing is to just LISTEN.  When a person just can't take another step, the unexplainable mercies of God are new every morning.  That mercy is something I still strive to understand.