Saturday, December 28, 2013

International House of Prayer Northwest

Written on October 26, so quite dated:
Update: God is so good. I know, I say it often, but it is resoundingly true. I am overwhelmed by His grace, and His mercies are new every morning at the house of prayer! It honestly is a delight to be in His house. I am learning so much, and the northwest is beautiful and stunning. Please pray for continued grace from the Lord! The presence of God is here daily, just He is with all of you! One of the interns at IHOP presented the gospel to someone who on the spot accepted the Word, so praise the Lord!! And a friend of a friend of an intern who happened to come to IHOP consequently encountered the Lord and accepted Jesus as his Savior!! Pray for continued growth and praise Jesus!! We all simply desperately need to know Jesus, to grow in our relationship with Him and get to know Him better! Staff, externs, from IHOP-KC, and interns have all been asking the Lord for dreams and visions from the Lord, and we have been receiving quite the steady flow! But dreams & salvations aside, God is God, Jehoveh Jireh, and worthy to be praised!

looking for the meaning of a moment,
knowing it is You who paved the way.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

For and To

{a poem of simplicity}

At times I only wished for a few words,
to hear a fragment of substance,
just to know reality.

Just try to forgoe my head
into my heart and you will
lose, lose sorely.

For me.

I meant it.
That wait.

I did not know what to say.
I did not know what to say.

To you.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

It's Still August!

"Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart."

Fully in Love, by Jon Thurlow:  

"The love that You have for Jesus
Put it inside of me
Burn it on my heart like a seal, like a seal
That in the famines of Your presence
Or in the floods of persecution,
Or in the comforts of the culture, it's still real."

I am thankful for quiet moments of children beside me, with their comforting, soothing sounds, etching my day.

"I never realized what a big deal that was. How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head."

Nina LaCour, Hold Still

Quote by Brecquel, with a soft voice to me:  "Ashley, are you a mother?" (as I was looking at pictures of my friend's baby)  Me: "No, Brecquel, that's my friend's baby."

Friday, August 2, 2013

“A true Christian must not be a slave to what’s currently ‘in-fashion,’ if he wants to train his child for heaven. He must not be content to teach them and instruct them in certain ways, merely because it is customary, or to allow them to read books of a questionable sort, merely because everybody else reads them, or to let them form bad habits, merely because they are the habits of the day. He must train with an eye to his children’s souls.

 He must not be ashamed to hear his training called odd and strange. What if it is? The time is short—the customs of this world are passing away. He that has trained his children for heaven, rather than for the earth—for God, rather than for man—he is the parent that will be called wise in the end.”

-J.C. Ryle, The Duties of Parents
(19th century preacher)

As of tonight, tomorrow morning I will be headed to my family reunion!  5 A.M. peeps!

Thursday, August 1, 2013


What if what we did today impacted our tomorrows?  Well, that is true.  What we do today we will sow later.  God does reward those who earnestly seek him.  Will we choose kindness?  Will we choose to abide in Christ now, spending time with the Lord in prayer instead of wasting it, like the man with the talents who was afraid and said that God reaps where He has not sown?  Could a person choose to set aside that pointless videogame they're convicted about (I know, kind-of a weird/out there one, maybe for some person who exists somewhere who EVER reads this and it's for them)?  Could they choose to clean a room up even when it's hard?  Could we choose to pray for that man we pass by at the grocery store?  But the goal of all this is to abide in Christ.  With Him, we bear much fruit, like raspberries blooming so much that bucketloads come in the house from the raspberry patches in the backyard...

Sunday, July 28, 2013


I've just been thinking on this over and over this morning: I'm forgiven.  Letting it sink in...the truth, the reality, not just some, but all.  He doesn't just forgive everything I've ever said, done, or thought against Him and then one day will find something to hold against me.  He has forgiven me.  Completely...

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

7.24.2013 {What Happened: Part 2}

It's truly hard for me to be honest like this and post it, but I hope God uses it, somewhere & somehow.

Finally, you are all getting part 2!!!  but it's not going to end like you thought.  or I thought.  Basically... the part two to my "What Happened?" post was supposed to be that I was in Kansas City, MO, at IHOP.
but did I make it to KC?  no.  am I here, at home?  yes.  And the logical conclusion I've come to is to not go.
The problem is I had desires for being there that I just can't put into words and I would need a place to stay there and I have no idea what I'd do about that.  It's not like I can't figure it out.  But let's be honest here: it is like I can't figure it out...
There are so many things that are so random in this post, by the way....
I could just write all this for myself, God sees it, it's done, and I delete it.  But what if God wants to use it?  Other people's things from their lives have blessed me, and sometimes seeing the raw honestness of others is what I appreciate most about their friendship.  This post is just for me to say anything and then go back over and edit and that will be that.  And it is committed to the Lord, so I know it will be a success.  Oh, and yesterday was my brother's birthday (I wrote that on July 7.  His birthday was on the 6th...).
This blog is a journal for me.  I delight in recording the Lord's faithfulness to me.
I read this verse the evening of June 26th that was SO encouraging to me: Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act. Psalm 37:5
Some things I need to do:
1.  Go back in life and have my parent's blessing over this blog.  So convicted in this matter.  Please pray for me.
2.  Make good decisions with my life.
The song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United has been SUCH a blessing to me.  My friend Shelby shared it with me.  Sometimes I feel that songs by a band such as Hillsong would just be superficial or powerless.  I hope that is understandable.  For example, imagine having a "friend" who yes, loved Jesus, but being able to see that person liking this seemingly culturally Christian material and then when it comes to the heart of the matter, honestly just being disappointed in that person's life:  living with the name Christian but not walking the walk with passion.  Does that make sense?  But then at the same time I don't mean to be judgmental or rude.
One of my cautions with starting a blog like this was something I read from the Rebelution once.  It was a review of the Rebelution saying how amidst all the sea of emotionally turbulent, meaningless blogs in the world, the Rebelution stood out as PURPOSEFUL and not stupid like the others.  So basically I've had this mindset that blogs are bad (no, not that blogs are bad, just this incessant knowing that all those descriptions are so decrepit and low value and so lacking what life should be like...).  But then I have a blog.  What is the coherence behind this?  No, blogs aren't bad, but my striving in and through this blog is to not have this be at all in any sense of those words able to be described as that.  I want it devoted to God, a reflection of Him, and having those same qualities that the Rebelution was honored to be described as.
Random comment: some people are just so beautiful.  you can just glance their way and for me at least maybe the wording to describe this is wordless.  or full of questions.  How did they become like this?  What were all the things that made them who they are?
I've come to despise something in myself: I'm so sick of being so miserable or (what can I say?) such an emotional turbulence.  As my sister Nicole said of me: "you are an emotional roller-coaster"
In regard to my lovely sister, sadly, we've had quite our share of yelling matches.  and I say this to confess.  I want to be closer with my friends, and confession to godly friends, to believers, is cleansing.  Yes, it hurts to have such a label and be the cause of such sin, but I don't want others to live in this darkness so I want to confess my own sins.  I want to be free and speak with kindness and understanding always, and I want God to use both my sister's life and mine.  Yelling matches are wrong.  Just like it says all over Paul's letters, that anger at others and fighting is not from God.  It's of the old man, and it can feel embarrassing to confess sin, but this doesn't define me and I don't live with the guilt of it.  I'm not proud of it.  It's wrong.  and it's out there, confessed and forsaken to the body of believers God has blessed me with.  May you never have the same sin and yell at others!
You know, I feel like I've been hiding, and saying all this feels so good just to let it out.
It's like my coffee date with my friend Kate.  She said, "doesn't it feel good to just let this all out?"  yes, yes it actually does.
There's so many people I could list that I want to get to know better.
Even now....wanna know a  confession/struggle/please pray for me moment: I'm typing in the middle of the night.  so technically I'm doing something my mom would not want me to do.  Namely, if she walked in, the computer would not be up anymore.  In my room.  Sitting on my bed.  With the laptop on my desk.  But this desk belongs to God.  There are obviously problems with me...
I think as believers devoted to the Word sometimes maybe just a little bit we're all "woe is me/I'm such a horrid sinner" but then in more important matters like saying, "I'm actually admitting that I'm doing something (insert: my mom, who God gave me) wouldn't like" we hardly dare to touch those subjects.
It's when we know something's wrong that we can let God change those things in us and forgive us and help us walk life differently.
"When oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace." This is just so good.  (from that song called Oceans that I mentioned)  it reminds me of going boating and imagining the water rising in the lake and just resting safely and peacefully in the arms of my Savior as if He (Jesus) was really there present in body.  Of course, we are given the Holy Spirit for now, but I would imagine Jesus holding me because He (God) is God himself in flesh.  (Of course he is now at the right hand of God now interceding for us.)
So, what were some of my ambitions?
First of all, I wanted to go back to the school I left and light the people there on fire for Christ.  (well, God light them on fire!  not me!)
I wanted to speak at Wayzata High School and see so many people come to know the Lord.

One night I remember just hanging with my head down from my bed and being in complete marvel at this revelation that my life was to be for music and medical missions.  I want to share a story that will encourage you to guard your heart and to know the worth of this at least from my opinion (it's really from the Word) and to encourage you to share your heart with your parents and DO NOT be "in a relationship" with someone without your parent's blessing and direction (not meant to sound legalistic.  just my strong conviction).  At this point, there was a man of God that I was HOPING would maybe be the man I marry (this was years ago).  Okay, now you're thinking, "now did she really just go that deep?"
Let me sidetrack: I'm on a journey to have better communication with my parents.  My goals are to have their blessing over everything and to share my heart with them.  So it needs to be known that I'm not just sharing this with the world at large but with my parents and it is a testimony of sorts.  at least, a very broken one, and I would hope it is a testimony.
long story short: we never said to each other we were thinking of the possibility of marriage, but we "just talked" and then I was getting weirded out and started thinking he was weird and with the boundaries of wanting to guard my heart and not show to him that I had been thinking of him as potential, I didn't know where to stand.  I was weirded out by certain things and that is a disgrace on ME.  even to say that.  but he was so amazing I "felt God leading me to stop communicating with him."  so I did.  I stopped talking with him.  I would greatly recommend following God's leading always, and in guarding your heart.  If anything, that is my message here and the point I desire to make.  and I prayed for God to give him a godly wife and voila, he's courting a godly young woman!  I was legitimately thrilled.  Not even joking.  I do desire to be a godly wife and mother (I would start this journey today if I could), but that was not the when and where God had for me (and mostly because it all did not align with my desires, which God so graciously sees and honors.  He cares about what we dislike/do like.  He cares about all those little things.  And yes, once we're married, it's a commitment for life, but before that happens, we may have little preferences that we're waiting on God for and he sees that and I'm sure does something about.  as we delight in Him, he gives us the desires of our heart and helps us honor Him in everything we say and do.)

thank God my heart was fully guarded by Him.  that was my striving.  to constantly guard my heart.  I remember once or maybe twice thinking, "I feel like this is stuff I would only share with my husband" so I think that wasn't as guarded as it should have been but I say fully guarded because that is what I believe God has done.  If you feel convicted by God to withhold information/words from a guy, withhold it.  It IS WORTH IT.  Whatever is NOT of faith is SIN.  go with faith.  trust the Holy Spirit.
now, why am I posting this online?
first and foremost: to glorify God.
two: I AM using self-control.
three: I want my story to both spur you on to purity and also delight yourself in God and become the woman of God HE wants you to be and also know I am not perfect (so this is a way of confessing my struggle with guarding my heart and thus being healed)
four: to be a good example to others (and yes I braved to say this because I believe by faith God can do this...not that I'm not a good example but I say it in the way of I don't want to be boasting or saying of myself that I'm a good example.  but it's what I would strive to do and I think it's a noble goal/worthy ambition that can practically challenge me.  maybe that's the wording I'm looking for.  CHALLENGE.  it sounds like such a refreshing challenge to continue to strive to actually be a good example to others.)
note: if on Pinterest I have kissing pictures it is not to lead you astray from honoring God.  I've saved and am saving my first kiss for marriage.  I purposefully put them in the home board because they are inspiration to me of a loving marriage, at HOME, with the husband.
It is so important to save yourself not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually for your husband, if it is God's will for you to one day marry.
Random comment to you but mostly to myself: PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL.  do you realize how much I need this truth from the Word?  My brokenness before God is EVER before me.  I am constantly messing up in the area of pride.  and then I fall.  it's not that fun.  and then I can't figure out how to be humble.  like if anything, it's a lesson to me that I need to admit that I can't even be humble before God.  Like faith is a gift and so is humility.  and I LONG for it.  I want humility before the Lord so much.
also note, I want to strive always through Christ to keep your focus on Christ.  To always have eyes on Him because that is what the Word says.

let me stop and discuss a quote with you:
"the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt he is."
now, I don't doubt God is in my situations.  I KNOW he is here.  I have a godly woman in my life who herself just reiterated that the song says "without you I am nothing/breathing" or something but God IS with us so we ARE something.
I could doubt people are on my blog, though.  NOW THIS is my problem.  This blog is important to me (God is most important, though hehe).  and I have this list on the side that tells of where people are reading from.  now before you call me emotional or narcissistic (accusations which can be verified not nullified sorry please forgive me I repent yes I do), it is SO hard for me to look on my blog and see that NO ONE went and visited it.  and instead of having a pity party, I need to learn something from this.
now, my decision is supposed to be that I went to KC (like I said at the beginning of the post).
But my decision is to stay at home, read many many books and study guides, ABSOLUTELY NOT go to a community college (this was actually suggested to me when...I did not tell the truth and said I had no idea what to do with my life.  not true.), NOT go to Bethel University, read & research colleges and their majors & their descriptions, NOT go to Association Free Lutheran Bible School (AFLBS...I love you Anna Franz and Megan Zilmer, though!!!),
Why did I stop my nanny job?  Why?  this was a question I asked myself.  it was as if I couldn't explain myself to myself.
If you haven't already noticed, I obvi enjoy writing.
Now, there are some things to be shared with certain people, not just anyone, right?  that is wisdom, am I correct or am I correct?  thanks I thought so.
My journey has been an interesting one, and I don't want to have lost friends over it.  Godly, amazing friends, please don't be tired of me.  Please have mercy on me.  I don't have life figured out, and if I should, God's the only one who has ultimate wisdom and knowledge, not I.  I used to be stuck with the hatred of myself for being insulted: I was told I only speak in vague nothings that make no common sense.  why thank you.  always what I wanted to hear from you.  not.
do I ever feel lonely?  no.  but then there is that factor of wanting/desiring to hear from people.  to have multitudes of those people who love me to see that I've made a decision of what to do with my life and to hear their encouraging comforting supporting words like before.  (so there's my life in a nutshell.  all the embarrassing unholy things about me.)  only I've unwillingly played wolf.  My whole post of "What Happened?" was to have a part two.  And it was because there was more to say.  at least I think I thought.  But all I could think to say in it later if it did exist ever was that "I was in KC now."  that would be a shocker.  but a blessing shocker.  a good thing.  a miracle of God.  an obedience on my part.  something for us all to rejoice in and praise Jesus for.
but it didn't happen that way.  basically because I don't know how to figure it all out.  I'm sure if I really tried and if it was God's will it would happen.  Don't get me wrong.  But it's all discouraging to not want any comments on if it's even a legit place to be.  (not like I've gotten any recently)  so I have two choices:  either say it just hasn't happened yet or basically what I would be doing if I said it's not going to happen (not in a depressed way) would be to give up.  and I say this with a LOT of emphasis, as in not in a way of "oh, I've surrendered this to the Lord/gave it up and now LOOK just like Abraham He's given it back to me"  I think that's really how I operate with God.  I totally do that to him.  I place something in his hands and then totally expect to get it back and it'll be better than I could've ever asked, dreamed, or imagined.
but you know what?  I've read posts by others that I've been disappointed in because they left me cliff hanging.  but that's not a deep enough description:  they felt like they didn't tell the whole story/the whole truth.  well, this is not going to be this post.  I'm giving it all here.  by God's grace, I'm not going to leave out or hide from you what I should tell you.
did the thought of just STAYING home just scare me so much?  I REFUSED in my heart to let that happen to me.  But at the same time I had all these wonderful examples of godly daughters living at home with purpose.  I even read a book about this!  yes.  in fact it sounded perhaps more horrendous and ugly and horrifying and anger-causing in me than going somewhere.  forgive my anger.
I'm not going to ever marry a man who will yell or have anger problems.  and I don't say this with pride.  I cannot succumb to this.  I don't care how handsome he is or if he even asks to.  i'm not trying to be prideful and better than my parents.  NO, they are amazing.  My parents are AMAZING.  I just even think of all they've gone through to keep a roof over my family's head!!!  how noble they are.  how they provide!  how they seek God.  goodness, my mom, you should see her.  she just pursues spiritual growth like something I've never seen before.  and it's been a life-long fire since her acceptance of Christ when she was eight.
I got to say, when I find things my sister Nicole has written, my heart strings are touched.  I find someone living right next door to me who has such a soul and our mere existence was just in the door. out the door. be awkward by saying hi joyfully to your sister.  see her going to school in her outfit sometimes but mostly I was asleep when she would leave.  a pretty sad existence.  turns out she was struggling with things I didn't even realize.  I didn't realize she viewed her life as before & after picture of dad's surgery.  so did I.  I didn't realize when she just went and played soccer by herself so many hours that she was feeling so empty. (forgive me Nicole if you ever read this and feel like I'm sharing too much about you....I hope not...)
now here's my failures: I just think I can post without my parents' blessing and without asking about stuff I should ask permission from others about if I'm posting about them.  I need to be submitted to the authorities in my life no matter what.  I am to honor them.  I am to bless them.
I've wanted for so long to take more pictures of life.
and I'm so sick of being this emotional person instead of joyfully telling about life.  and I'm sorry for my sins.  I'm sorry for anything you could end up pointing out about this post that you don't like.  I'm sure you have legitimate reasons.
So, current happenings:
1. my email has been hacked, so I didn't have access to it for a whole month!  praise God, for He doesn't malfunction even though email has!  It was really weird not having email for this month and then so weird getting it back this evening.
2. I've purposed in my heart not to take the lead.  I trust God.  I trust God knows my heart.  I know that there could be serious repercussions in marrying a man I "showed interest in" who actually wasn't valuable because I initiated.  Like the worthy man would be the one who first acts like a man.  Such as if he ever wants me to be married, to let myself be pursued.  I'm going to leave things where I left them and stop.  It's called self-control and it would save a lot of women from being WITH a man who doesn't treat her like a lady at all times, who doesn't provide (literally), who doesn't buy for the woman, who is someone to be constantly annoyed at, to be the constant elephant horrible person and man in the room, to be ugly, to be someone friends think it's so weird that that girl is with him..., who doesn't live on his knees before the Father, who....goodness, I could just go on and on couldn't I?  Girls, don't settle for less.  Use your lives wisely and share your thoughts with your parents.  Priscilla (Anna Duggar's sister) out of her own initiative shared this with me last fall at Nationals.  It blessed me so much when she talked about this with me.
3. to stop talking about just marriage (i'm honestly so obsessed so sorry guys) and tell you all about the great books I'm reading and what God is doing as I step out of my home with my parents' blessing and serve Him (meaning the plan committed to the Lord now is to stay home and to serve the Lord outside the home FROM the home)!  Please forgive me if I've directed your hearts to places they shouldn't be.  Please just do what's right and forgive any offense I've caused to you.  I want your focus to be RIGHT in God's eyes and to prepare today for the wonderful future God has for you.
4. You don't just accept the first man to ask to court you.  Who cares??  seriously.  if he's ugly (haha just had to say that) gently say no thank you (and pray God helps him in that area)  If he has flaws, refuse to give in just because you want to marry him.  trust me it's not worth it (speaking from parental experience...they have shared so much wisdom with me by their very lives!).  use discernment and say no thank you (and pray God helps him straighten out his flaws and give you self-control and discernment to keep staying away from an unequally yoked human being).
5. What did I do with this year?  the National Bible Bee from June till November.  I took care of my dying grandma in the winter and personally nursed her back to life.  God did it, not me (that's what I mean when I say I did something.  obviously God is the one doing everything).  God revived her back to a stable (but not in any way perfect) condition.  she could still die any day.  doctors said she would die last winter or within the next six months.  but God revived her back.  now the common thread would be to either just assume he'll keep doing that for years or look at the actual picture and just one day all of a sudden she's gone and that piano song she asked me to choose and prepare for her funeral I would be playing before her friends with tears streaming from my eyes and memories stinging like a heart being torn and shredded and thrown on the ground.
I have a lot of growing to do.  the emotionalness I hope stays only with me in pregnancies (that's supposed to happen right?) and I pray I would grow in maturity so I'm not being all arrogant about the memories of people in high schools being called emo and then seriously probably acting the same way they all felt inside even though the way they dressed was so repulsive and saddening and sickening.  I mean I think I just need to grow.
am I just so depressing that you all can't bear to hear me write anymore??
With one thought, she spun to the depths of the Grand Canyon and reveled in God's majesty. lol just something I thought up.  completely unrelated.
I don't want to be a writer who fails in the manner of purity and of a radiantly pure courtship if it is ever God's will for me to marry.  All in all, God has just been teaching me in these matters, sinful as I am, and I'm grateful for what he has taught me and ask for the grace to live it out if it is ever His will for me.  If not, I would pray it would be helpful to others' lives!
truth be told:  I've been very sad and lonely lately and it's so hard to say because it makes me feel so unworthy in so many ways.  And with the topic of marriage, it's NOT like I've been feeling lonely in that sense.  It's just this loneliness and sadness for how my life hasn't gone like I'd particularly planned.  even more ugly and depressed than before.
it obviously doesn't make me one who's fun to be around.
I am letting revival begin in me right here, right now.
random note: so many times homeschool for me was only listening to praise music or the people on Christian radio talking about all these things.
If you know me, I use a lot of quotes.  Whenever I see a good one I've usually done something with it like stored in a Word document or reposted or put it on facebook or SOMETHING.  well, this one speaks of what I've recently "gone through."
"God has allowed hard things in your life so you can show the world that your God is great and that knowing Him brings peace and joy, even when life is hard." (Francis Chan)
I was THIS close to joining Acts School (the missions school to unreached people groups) this July.  I was THIS close to starting CollegePlus this summer.  I was THIS close to moving to IHOP this summer.  I was just as close almost moving there in April (before being contacted from the momma asking for help taking care of her baby boys because of the father leaving their family).
I don't want to be a haughty stuck up person who speaks rudely to her children and to others her age.
a prideful person.
and when I just up and left my nanny job (there is a story) I then didn't know what to do with my mission trip hoped for (but at the same time not hoped for).  So, I'm not going on the mission trip in August, I asked her to find someone else for the nanny job, I'm STILL praying for the family and my goal is (please have mercy and help, Lord!) to not stop praying until their family is back together.  It (planning on going on the mission trip) was a strange sort of love-hate relationship.
I love you all (whoever you are reading this) in Christ and am so thankful for you.  God is good and God is faithful.  and it feels so good to get this out and open up a bit, despite my human nature that seems to always get in the way.  Praise God that He gives us victory over our sinfulness and is sanctifying us all (believers)!

Friday, July 12, 2013


Taking care of the neighbors' kids tonight.  Pray for them this evening if God leads you to!  also, please pray for me, as God has been directing some changes in my heart.  my boxes are unpacked.  and ask God for the nations to know Him:)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

from Psalm 45

You are the most excellent of men
    and your lips have been anointed with grace,
    since God has blessed you forever.

Clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
In your majesty ride forth victoriously
    in the cause of truth, humility and justice;
    let your right hand achieve awesome deeds.


This whole passage on Christ is so encouraging, as we can know His goodness and glory and strength is what the Word says!

Give Me the Faith {a repost}

Give me the faith which can remove
And sink the mountain to a plain;
Give me the childlike praying love,
Which longs to build Thy house again;
Thy love, let it my heart overpower,
And all my simple soul devour.

I want an even strong desire,
I want a calmly fervent zeal,
To save poor souls out of the fire,
To snatch them from the verge of hell,
And turn them to a pardoning God,
And quench the brands in Jesus’ blood.

I would the precious time redeem,
And longer live for this alone,
To spend and to be spent for them
Who have not yet my Savior known;
Fully on these my mission prove,
And only breathe, to breathe Thy love.

My talents, gifts, and graces, Lord,
Into Thy blessed hands receive;
And let me live to preach Thy Word,
And let me to Thy glory live;
My every sacred moment spend
In publishing the sinner’s Friend.

Enlarge, inflame, and fill my heart
With boundless charity divine,
So shall I all strength exert,
And love them with a zeal like Thine,
And lead them to Thy open side,
The sheep for whom the Shepherd died.

"Give Me the Faith" by Charles Wesley

So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God.  For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.  Mark 11:22-23

by Abigail


Friends, thank you for all the prayers you have prayed for me.  I am so grateful for each and every one of you.  God is good, and He is faithful.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

"Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit, talk about your joys."

Monday, June 17, 2013

hope your father's day was joyous: a letter to my dad

SO thankful for a dad who loves me, genuinely wants God's will for me, is super smart, has SUCH discernment and wisdom from the LORD, is an honest businessman, let me follow the Lord's leading to homeschool, who teaches, encourages, and guides me along the narrow way, blesses me every day by his life, brings home salmon {or in the past even king crab legs} from work, and whose grace & mercy is new every morning, just like my Heavenly Father's.
As for special talents and abilities, he has fixed more car problems than I could ever count and even rebuilt HIS dad's jeep!
I love you, dad!  I'll always be your little girl.  Your prayers for me have been helping me along and so powerful in my life!  You even prayed a certain astonishingly faithful friend into my life so many years ago: Kate Crane.  Did she know this?  I do not know.  But now she definitely knows:)  You were the one who prayed her into my life many years ago, even though we've technically been friends since we were three or prayed her into my life at a time I really needed that.  (And look at what a blessing she is to my life at this moment in time!)  Wow, thank you. but most of all, thank God.
(I think some government leaders in nations hostile to the gospel should follow your example and allow freedom of faith.)  I mean, maybe this is just my opinion, but you know, hey, I think you've got this precedence down in our family.  You're an amazing spiritual leader.  i love family Bible studies with you.
You have given so much, and I am so grateful for every single thing you have ever done for me and how blessed I am to have you in my life.  You are a godly example and wonderful father.
I also feel very pulled to say I realize you've graciously endured a lot because of my life in the past few years.  I hope you know I'm sorry for my own faults but also know how eternally grateful I am that you have continually waited for me, even though I seem to have taken a longer time than most people to fulfill what the Lord has called me to.  My words are not pretend or rote.  I really mean them.  I am human, as are you, but I hope that sooner than later, you will see come to pass what we have all been waiting for for so long.  I realize that maybe you haven't been given the credit you deserve.  And you deserve A LOT.  Your planning and foreknowledge.  Your passions and dedication.  Much of what is my life is because of you.  For everything, daddy....seriously, for everything...thank you.
And I know this is getting REALLY serious and deep and personal here, but I'll take the full risk of embarrassment and say... please don't die on me so early like grandpa John did on you and us all (but I'm completely thankful for the life he was given).  I delight in your life.  What I've been saying so long about living so long I really mean.  I'm not the only one who wants to live to 120.  I'm setting a new trend and certainly my dad will join in this new movement with me: it's cool to be like Moses and live long lives!:)  I want you to live that long with me.  one hundred and twenty.  let's do it.  And if I'm not a good enough reason to live so awesomely, let's just let God be the reason.  and I don't mean to be be all creepy and sober and talking like this on father's day.  because if you think about it, it's like bringing to the surface a reality that is so exceptionally bright and sure by faith!  I want you in my life and I want to see the changes and good things that come.  the millions of them.  we are not slaves to what life is right now.  I will let life be different, for you and for me.  let's let God change our lives and make us come alive and have new lives.
You have been set up by God to be my provider and protecter!  My encourager.  The one who is patient with me.  Thank you for your patience with me!  and I delight in the freedoms and words {and advice} you give me:)  Thank-you!!!
Thanks for your faithfulness to our family (especially considering the darkness that exists quite near us), your steadfast endurance, faithful kindnesses, and your love for Jesus, which is the solid foundation of your life.  by the way, I hope you are glad grass is growing in the yard this year;)
Thanks for teaching me how to drive a stick shift (that was so fun to do that with you this week!) and thanks for taking us boating today!!  I hope you are honored more than you could have ever asked, dreamed, or imagined by my life.  and wherever God takes the both of us, even if we are separated in presence, our hearts are united in His love.
Memories with you:  Me so little you could hold me still (but this is your memory).  Home videos (goodness, countless).  Tea.  Growing raspberries.  Bayfield.  Colorado.  Summer storms.  (Remember that speech I tried to give to honor you and I couldn't stop crying?  you're that amazing.)  Jumping into the ocean where sharks were.  Church.  Blessings.  Boating.  Strawberries.  Adventures to the National Bible Bee.  Bible Study Fellowship.  Windswept hair in the jeep.  Watching National Convention commercials together.  And laughing hysterically at them.  (also together.)  Whenever you laugh at movies, I can't help but laugh.
God is doing amazing things in and through you.  You're not just a good dad, but a great dad!  (and honestly, if it were not for you, I would not even exist.)
You definitely deserve this honor and recognition today.
"I can't wait to see where you'll be in thirty years"  and "I will always love you!"
Now go live a full life to be 120 (or until Jesus comes back...that's cool too).
#iloveyou #forever #courageousmasculinity #galekino
yay for letting me travel across this nation many miles to do TeenPact this year and yay for dads!  Once again, joyful father's day, dad!  Hugs:)  I praise God for you!  All glory be to Christ.  Soli Deo Gloria!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

A Helpful Article for Understanding Intercessory Missions

1 Ch 9:33 “These are the singers… who lodged in the chambers , and were free from other duties; for they work day and night.”

Monday, June 10, 2013

What is my aim?  To be well-pleasing to Him, fully pleasing Him, my Lord, my Kurios, my Yahweh and Messiah!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013


by Greg Stier

G - God created us to be with Him.
O - Our sins separate us from God.
S - Sin cannot be removed by good deeds.
P - Paying the price for sin, Jesus died and rose again.
E - Everyone who trusts in Him alone has eternal life.
L -  Life with Jesus starts now and lasts forever.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Ecclesiastes 9:10 NIV

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

Colossians 3:23-24 NIV 1984
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Colossians 2:1-3 NIV 1984
I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally.  My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

1 Thessalonians 5:4-11 NIV 1984

But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief.  You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.  So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober.  For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night.  But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.  For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.  He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.  Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Missions is not the ultimate goal of the Church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t. Worship is ultimate, not missions, because God is ultimate, not man. When this age is over, and the countless millions of the redeemed fall on their faces before the throne of God, missions will be no more. It is a temporary necessity. But worship abides forever." ~Piper

Sunday, March 17, 2013

"As I thought about marriage, I knew that I wanted a man who would have a similar calling, and even one whose ambitions and goals in serving the Lord would far surpass mine."
-Kelsie Powell

Friday, March 15, 2013

Praise the Lord for His Goodness!!

When my family was on the trip to Tennessee, God was spreading his love through the world, even in the most desolate places.  I recorded where He had me leave little pieces of paper explaining the gospel and by His might these seeds planted will grow (which is why I write, so I can record His goodness and see how He is at work and so that I can rejoice when I hear of how He worked in these places, whenever that happens!)  God, you are leading me into beautiful places!
Here were the spots God planted some seeds:

Three Praise FM gospel cards on hotel cleaning carts-pray for their salvation
One on a magazine at a gas station in TN
Gave to gas station lady in Indiana (right before rest stop where I put the tracts 70-some miles from Louisville-wow, the city of Louisville was so beautiful to pass through)
In a bathroom mentioned above (70-some miles from Louisville)
One on bathroom sink just after Chicago
Left on CubFoods bathroom sink (in Plymouth, MN) right when we got home from the adventure to the majestic mountains of Tennessee God created
This surely should be the essence and purity of praying: that prayer would be the giving of all my mind to God while aligning with His heart and mind through the Word and not praying to be seen by others.  That truly is such a privilege to think and act like God upon this earth!  I want to let God have His way.

"Instead of courage, strength, self-denial, and endurance, we often choose the smooth pathway, the pathway in which we serve not our Master but our enemy. Love, remember, is the willingness to be inconvenienced. Jesus was inconvenienced. He went to the cross. May God enable us today to take up our cross and follow Him."
Elisabeth Elliott

Tuesday, March 12, 2013


After forming The Autumn Film, an indie-pop trio from Colorado, band members Reid and Latifah Phillips and Dann Stockton created their alter ego band, Page CXVI, to focus on re-imagining old hymns. The name is drawn from the page number in The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis, the brilliant passage where Aslan begins to sing Narnia into creation out of a black void. According to Relevant Magazine, "...(Page CXVI's) genius is in making the compositions as thoughtful as the lyrics."
As the band celebrates seven years of crafting music as The Autumn Film and Page CXVI, they are giving away their catalog - from both bands - for the entire month of March. Eleven albums, seventy-four songs, two bands. Think of it as a Jubilee. Think of it as a sweet springtime gift. Think of it as something to share with your friends.

The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure and full of quiet gentleness. Then it is peace-loving and courteous…It is wholehearted and straightforward and sincere. James 3:17  TLB

Thursday, February 28, 2013

"A lady must be gentle by nature and rearing. She must know all there is to learn from books, have wide experience to cover all emergencies, she must be steeped in social graces and diplomatic by nature. She must rise unruffled to any emergency, never wound, never offend, always help and heal. She must be perfect in deportment, virtue, wifehood and motherhood. She must be graceful, pleasing, and beautiful. She must perfect herself in learning, arts, and graces. She must always be refined in appearance, actions, and speech."
Gene Stratton Porter
"i listened while you ran yourself in circles. it saddened my soul to hear this string of fallacies uttered in such a sincere voice. your entire life is comprised of mashed up, tie-dyed morals and ideologies. your whole philosophy is paper thin. your world operates without regard to truth and logic. you’ve whisked together erroneous information to create a world that makes you happy. that which is crooked is straight and that which is meaningless brings you peace. i wonder, in your world, do our cappuccinos even taste the same? your eyes sparkle as you sit and wait for me to speak after your marathon. you have no idea of the maelstrom within my chest as my soul weeps, oh God, give me words."
-andie jael haugen {}
how sad and empty.  thank God for the HOPE we have in Christ!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Joys of Today:

the light peep through the windows
seeing a man smiling while at church
rest and rejuvenation
funny remembrances
holy songs
renewal from the Father
grey socks
grandma's love
AND holiness and purity

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Homeless Man

God saved my new friend, a homeless man, just last week on Friday morning!  This precious homeless man believed in Jesus, was saved by God, and became a believer inside the Starbucks on the corner of King and Main in Madison, Wisconsin, right in view of the gorgeous capitol building.  Little did I know when I walked in that Starbucks with a group of believers that would we walk out with him, holding the door for us like a gentleman, now a new believer, one of us.  Can't wait to see him again!
King and 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Before We Ever Met

[written in hopes of a person I do not know becoming a believer]

Today I asked my Father
For the recipe of a delicious meal
In which
Some lost item becomes found (and you are the lost item)

You are the one I want to randomly meet,
To become the dough
To become rounded by the Maker's hand
To be un-graced transformed to grace

I look forward to the whimsical day when
I run into you,
Eyes all aglow
And I know

You were made for eternity

An eternity starting today with
A conversation
That I'm not scared to have
And neither are you

You know I have to tell you something you need to know
And I know I need to tell you something you need to know
So we speak and you hear
And we hug and we cry

It's not make-believe
It's request become true
I love being with you and you with I
The moment is better than the poem

You're an organic sinner
Let me wash the dirt off you
And place you somewhere nice and hot
So you can be added to this recipe of the body of Christ

It's delicious.
The basil.
The tomato.
The wheat.

Love found you because God is love and...

Love had a purpose
For your existence
A meal now, a word, a soft tender look
Because now we're together, you and I

In the body of Christ.

{picture source:}


When everything is just a contradiction, what do we do?
Should I just spill my heart?  I believe that although it may be hard and although my sin may be obvious (oh, how sad!) or that it's just something a lot of people already obviously have in their lives, I am called to confess my sin to fellow believers and I will be healed.  Oh, I've been on the computer when I should set it aside.  I apologize to the world, to everyone, to God, to my family, for wasting time on the computer, time that belonged to Jesus.
What am I supposed to do with my life?  Though this still may remain a question, did not God say to seek His face, to look to Him for all the answers?  The funny thing is that it is completely untrue that I don't know what to do with my life.  Sometimes it's been a statement used just because at that moment I didn't share the complete truth and my honesty.  Oh, forgive me Lord, please!  What a creature I am who needs NEEDS NEEDS His mercy.  I just want it to flow down on me like a waterfall.  His love is like that.  It washes away my imperfections!  Is there somewhere God wants me to be and I simply need to listen to His voice?  Are my desires compatable with Jesus's?
Hidden meanings, hidden meanings...What will come out of my heart?  Horridness?  When all I want to be and know I should be is vague.  Missing out.  I don't want that.  I'm tired of being a Pharisee.  I must not, by God's grace, be one who longs for the praise of man but misses out on love.
When you're just so sick and tired of yourself...
When you're just so sick and tired of being sick and tired....
Then God breaks through.
When you're so obsessed with perfection that it just has to come but that it makes life hard to live.
I wish my heart was more beautiful.  I wish my heart burst with God's beauty and love, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
Am I being seen as just like the people I've been praying for so long to know Jesus?  Oh, may that not be so.  No more.  I am called to live in such a way that no one can find anything wrong with me!
When God calls you and you don't respond....Lord, let this not even be implied of your people.
How do I find life?  Do I forsake everything I "wanted" for what I really want and then somehow have everything I'll ever need and do all the things God wants me to do?
To know that God loves me is a transformational factor in life.  It gives me the strength to not stand with the wicked (forgiven I am!), to be firm in righteousness, and to be full of faith.  God's love helps me to love others.
The wreckage of this world that I must escape is set in such a manner that I have to truly believe and stand by faith.  I must stop living in such a manner as claiming that as my inheritance!  My portion is God!  That is supernaturally natural.
I stand by faith, pushing aside all the surrounding trees, to see before me what is of God and what is of faith.  I push them aside, and I see by faith, by hope, a safe haven of rest.
Psalm 107:30  They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.

Friday, February 1, 2013

A Wise Young Woman

A wise young woman marries the man who is living a purposeful life and who has vision from the Lord.  She marries a provider, a protector, a righteous man.  She lives as a servant to the man who covers her with prayer, who leads her as the Holy Spirit does, and who loves as Christ does.

A Father's Heart

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Some Personal Notes on Galatians 5

These are acts of the sinful nature, and they are obviously sin:
dissensions (in other words, divisions and seditions)
factions/heresy contrary to the Word of God

Believers are to be of one mind, united.  Let us, as young women, daughters of the King, be repentant and full of beautiful faith.

Truth often divides, but it shouldn't be contentious.
When principles are at stake and the word of God is threatened, we should stand for truth, for the Word, and for those principles.

God is so gracious.

Psalm 68:6  God sets the lonely in families,
    he leads out the prisoners with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.